if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
