Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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