sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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