a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
