8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
