I got chris browned last night
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
