my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
