Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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