Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you never un-have a 4some
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
