I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
