this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
