please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
