What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
