it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
