I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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