I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
