Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
