Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
