I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
