i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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