i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
