wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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