He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
