I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
