the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
