Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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