so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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