guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
