yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
