before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
