i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
