Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
