So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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