I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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