She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
