She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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