You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
