Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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