exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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