Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

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(207): View more from Maine

Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????

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(434): View more from Virginia

Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.

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