And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
