I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
