do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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