the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
