Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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