we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
