Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
