you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
