can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
