if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
