C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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