Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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